A Little Rain Never Hurt Nobody

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene. See below for image source.

Growing up, I was taught to avoid the rain and stay inside on rainy days. Whether it was because I wasn’t supposed to get my hair wet or because it was feared that getting rained on could cause a cold, I’m not sure—probably both of those things. However, as an adult, I’m learning not to fear the rain. The “don’t want to mess up my hair” reason doesn’t work since I’ve been #teamnatural for the past 7 years. Seriously, shrinkage is as normal as breathing and nothing to get worked up over anymore. Plus, now I understand that a little rain can’t hurt as long as you’re prepared for it (Isn’t that true for anything in life?).

In a light drizzle, all you might need is a jacket to keep you warm and a hood to cover your head. Of course you’ll need a bit more in case of a downpour like a warm raincoat/water-resistant jacket with a hood, umbrella, and rain boots. Preparation makes all the difference. It allows you to go out singing in the rain, instead of cursing under your breath.

We had one of those gray, rainy days in the Chi yesterday. Despite the grayness of the sky and the light drizzle outside, I took L-Boogie out for an adventure to the biggest library in the city via public transportation. We’d been cooped up inside for the past few days and simply needed to get out.

When we first stepped outside and I felt the small raindrops, I thought about taking her back inside. I thought about how we would have to take the bus and the train. I thought about the fact that I couldn’t find an umbrella in the house. I thought about how I wouldn’t want us to get caught in a major downpour that would cause us to both get soaked and God forbid…sick! But, I stepped out on faith—faith that even if the rain came down harder, we could find shelter or buy an umbrella from a drugstore, faith that even if one of us got the sniffles from being cold and wet that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We would drink orange juice and eat soup; we would be ok.

And whaddaya know? The light drizzle stopped and we returned home bone dry; we were completely fine. We had lunch at Panera. We picked out new books at the library and L-Boogie played with giant Legos and blocks. I have to say it was a good day. I’m definitely glad that the gray sky and a little rain didn’t stop us from getting out and having a little adventure. Neither should you 😉

Photo credit: “Jumpin’ in the Rain” by Tony Fischer. Taken on ‎June‎ ‎27‎, ‎2008 Flickr via Creative Commons CC BY 2.0 I have no rights to this photo. No changes were made.

Are Girls Sexualized Too Soon?

I don’t know if you all have read Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self by Danielle Evans, but it’s been on my “to-read” list for a while. (It was released back in 2010.) I’m still working through it, but the first short story, titled “Virgins,” really engaged me because it made me think about how sad it is that in most cases, it’s very hard for our children to not only hold on to their virginity, but to hold on to their innocence, for as long as they desire to. It seems that they are pressured from an early age to grow up as soon as possible—casting away things of childhood for more adult things.

In “Virgins,” Evans portrays a pair of 15 year-old girls in Mount Vernon, NY who are coming of age in a world where peer pressure and sex surround them in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Even though the narrator desires to make losing her virginity special, she avoids one situation of carelessly giving it away (and possibly being passed around to a few random guys she and her friend meet at a club) only to find herself in another random situation shortly afterwards when losing her virginity seems inevitable. I love the sad, but deep line, “…I did understand then that there was no such thing as safe, only safer; that this, if it didn’t happen now, would happen later but not better” (Evans 25).

The story really makes me think of how hard it is for young girls to hold onto childhood and innocence for as long as they desire to; instead, they are almost forced to let go of childish things when society or their peers tell them to. This is not to say that there’s anything wrong with maturing. We all have to grow and mature. This never stops. However, it seems more of a problem to me when we have kindergarteners wearing as much weave as 30-year-olds and preteen girls wearing clothes to their school dance that are more suitable for a 21+ club. What’s happening here? Why is it so uncool to look and act like a kid anymore?

Yours truly at 9-years-old

I’ll never forget the moment when I first realized that it was no longer cool for me to play with dolls. My mom and I were in a hole-in-the-wall storefront fast-food place on the Westside of Chicago. I can’t remember how old I was, but I know that I definitely was not in my junior high years yet. Honestly, I don’t think that I was even 10 years old yet. If so, I was a fresh 10, but more likely 8 or 9-years old. I was standing next to my mom with my favorite doll in my hand when this perverted old man walks in looking at me crazy—with a slight hint of lust in his eyes. (I think every young girl knows that look that you can’t quite put a finger on, but you know it’s a look that a grown person shouldn’t be giving a child.) He makes a comment to my mom about how pretty I am and how it’s good she’s got me still playing with dolls.

I stood there thinking, “Wait a minute. What’s he trynna say?” After that moment, I felt a little more hesitant to take my doll places. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Was I too old to play with dolls now? Did that make me a baby? At that time, I knew what sex was. I knew that I would get a period soon. I knew that my classmates would touch each other behind the coat closet in our classroom when the teacher wasn’t paying attention. I knew there were other girls that were more into boys than I was. Yeah, I had crushes, but some girls were more serious about boys, if you know what I mean. But, it wasn’t until that moment in the dingy-looking fried chicken spot that I started to really question if I was too far behind.

It’s a feeling that I dread for my daughter to have, but I know that it’s probably inevitable that she will. I just hope that when she’s ready to trade her dolls for nail polish and tinted lip gloss that it’s because she wants to and not because some stranger told her it was time.

Do you think there’s anything we can do about our kids growing up too fast? How do you think we should prepare them to confidently into their preteen/teenage years? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook! 😉

Do I Have an Enemy Within? (Am I My Own Hater?)

”When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” – African Proverb (courtesy of happyblackwoman.com)

A few days ago, I found the African proverb above on the Happy Black Woman website (the post “67 Inspiring Quotes by Black Women on Happiness, Perseverance, Fear and Success”) and it just immediately stuck out to me. It seemed like a lightbulb went off in my head. Do I have an enemy within?

Many of us have a little voice inside of us that we constantly have to silence. It tells us all the things we can’t do or all the reasons why we aren’t good enough. More often than not, we probably can call those nagging thoughts into question and continue about our business. But, sometimes those little, lying voices may win in casting a cloud over us.

I’ve been a bit down in the dumps off and on for some time now and the proverb above made it clear that I have to cast out my enemy within.

It’s true that sometimes we really do have haters, but we have to be careful that the hater in our heads is not making us believe that someone on the outside is a hater when they really aren’t. I’ve realized that it’s very possible that a lot of the rejection we feel from others could be the projection of our own internal enemy out into the world.

It can be tough being a stay-at-home mom. Yes, I don’t deny that it is a privilege, honor, blessing, and pretty much every good thing that you can think of. When I went back into the workforce when my daughter was about 7 or 8 months, I immediately dreamed about the day when I could get back home to see her go through all of her major milestones without missing a beat. That day came sooner than I could’ve imagined and I was thrilled. Yet, every stay-at-home mom knows the challenges—isolation from the adult world, the blow to your ego and maybe even your self-esteem when those checks stop coming in your name, and the misperception about what you do on a daily basis (and don’t forget the misperception about your financial situation) from the outside world. It definitely can throw your sense of value and confidence threw a loop. Living simply and valuing other things over fortune, fame, and independence (gasp!) is so contrary to what society tells us we should want that we tend to look at ourselves sideways when we don’t live according to society’s standard of success.

However, the proverb above made me realize that if I have an enemy within that thinks very little of myself and my place in the world, every glance and remark from others—no matter how unrelated to me personally—will be filtered through the beliefs of my enemy within. If I’m my own enemy, I have no chance in the world no matter what endeavors I pursue. We all have to be our own biggest fans. We have to cheer ourselves on when the going gets tough and know that we can make it even if we are the only fan that we have.

So to all my positively optimistic & powerful people (in process) cast out the enemy within and build yourself up daily. You may use affirmations, inspirational podcasts, scripture, or self-help books. Whatever you need to do to get that enemy within out of your mental space and spirit, do it as often as you need to. This is oh so necessary in order to keep it poppin’ 😉

Happy World Suicide Prevention Day!

Disclaimer: I have no rights to this photo. Copyright by asboluv, “tortured soul (asboluv – stencil on cardboard)” CC BY 2.0

This Thursday, September 10, 2015 is World Suicide Prevention Day. Actually, September is National Suicide Prevention month. Because of this, I would like to take a little time to write about suicide since it is one of those topics that is still pretty taboo in most circles. We rarely even think about it until it affects us personally, professionally, or if we happen to see a news headline about it. However, I was surprised to find out, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), that

• Every 40 seconds a person dies by suicide somewhere in the world
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death globally among young people ages 15-29
• It’s not just a “rich person with no real problems” phenomenon or a problem in developed countries because “most suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries”
• Approximately 804,000 suicides occurred worldwide in 2012 but since suicide is often under-reported or misclassified (deaths that may have actually been suicides are sometimes misclassified as an accident or different cause of death), this number may actually be much higher
• Surprisingly, both men and women 70 years of age and older have a higher rate of suicide than other age groups throughout most of the world

WHO has implemented a Mental Health Action Plan that aims to reduce suicide worldwide by 10% by the year 2020 and I definitely encourage you to check out their “Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative” brochure. Drawing from the information I gathered from WHO’s website, other online resources, and just my own 2 cents, I’ve come up with a few simple things that can help each of us work towards reducing the global suicide rate in our daily lives:

1. Educate yourself about suicide risk factors, signs, and facts. This post doesn’t even skim the surface of the multitude of information available about suicide. The National Institute of Mental Health, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and HelpGuide.Org are great places to start to understand suicide, identify someone who is at-risk, and learn how to help a loved one that may considering taking their own life.
2. Don’t perpetuate the “all suicidal people are weak or crazy” stigma when discussing suicide (such as in the news) when talking with friends, coworkers, and family members. You never know if someone in your midst is going through a difficult time. It’s a lot harder for people to reach out for help when they feel they will be ridiculed or not taken seriously.
3. Take care of yourself. Even if you’ve never struggled with mental illness and are very resilient when life throws curveballs your way, never be afraid to reach out for help if you think you may need it. Talking about your feelings with someone that will support you can make a seemingly unbearable situation a lot more bearable. Eating well and exercising can do wonders for your outlook as well!

As in the words of Mr. Stevie Wonder, it’s my hope that “everything is alright, uptight, outta sight” for all of my positively optimistic & powerful readers out there. If it is, I’m hoping you show the people around you that you love them and support them on this World Suicide Prevention Day and everyday thereafter!

If you are in a crisis and are unsure where to turn, hit up the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). According to their website, someone will take your call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Let’s Not Get Serious

Even though it still feels like summer and won’t technically be fall until September 23^rd, I think cool breezes, pumpkin patches, and autumn leaves are on everyone’s mind this week. The start of September means Labor Day weekend is coming up. Better fire up that grill while you can! Plus the last batch of kids are going back to school soon if they haven’t already. I don’t have any kids in school yet, but I’m oh so ready for the kids near where I live to be at the school house all day, ya feel me.

I’d been feening for summer long before it arrived, but now I’m at peace with cherishing the summer memories that were made and I’m ready to embrace the beauty of fall. In addition to looking forward to all the fall activities that I get to do with my now 2 years old, L-Boog, I’m also getting a little anxious about my bday in October. I’m really getting into these late 20 years and while it’s a little scary, I’m also full of anticipation. I’m curious about all that good ish that’s supposed to happen in your 30s—you’re supposed to be more stable, more comfortable with who you are, or something like that—but I’m in no way trying to hurry it along!

I love to reflect on how I’ve changed and grown over the years during my birthday season. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how important it is not to take myself too seriously and to learn to brush those awkward/uncomfortable/”what just happened?” moments off right after they happen instead of looking back and having a pity party. I definitely enjoy being silly and relaxed when I’m in my element with my besties, but more often than not I would say I’m more serious-natured or intense. Blame it on my Scorpio-ness. (Um, did I mention that Scorpio season is coming up? Just wanna make that clear.) However, I’m getting better and better at this as the years roll by, but I will say it’s a lot easier to laugh at my old self than the me I am today, but I’m getting there.

One time of my life that I have no problem laughing at is my phase of beauty/fashion experimentation during college. Man, oh man the pictures I could show. Like most people, I came to college ready to try new things and experiment when it came to my appearance. I went natural. I got a nose piercing. I coordinated thrift store/co-op jackets with most of my outfits. And…cue the music…I made my own wigs. Gasp! This would not be a big deal if I was creatively-inclined when it comes to things like that. I’m not the worst with hair, but let’s just say I don’t think I should try to do hair professionally…at all. I would watch countless YouTube videos of girls making wigs and thought “I can do that!” Did it, I did.

Why do I look like I should be at the casino instead of a college dance?! This thing made me look twice my age…smh

Thank God that one of my apartment-mates/besties was really into hair and could make some of the horrible wigs I made look decent-looking. I still crack up to this day when I see certain pictures of myself wearing one of those wigs in college. I think to myself, “Wtf was wrong with me?!” It feels good to laugh about my beauty and fashion faux pas now, but I probably would’ve burst into tears back then if someone said something about them.

Hey, it’s true that you live and you learn. As I countdown to my bday, I’m grateful to God for the entire part of my journey up until this point—the good, the bad, and the hilarious. All the mistakes and blunders I’ve made so far (whether physically, socially, or professionally) have made me who I am today no matter how cliché it sounds. I’m just glad that nothing was so tragic that God’s mercy couldn’t cover it and that I can shake my head and laugh at it now.

Do you find it easy to laugh at yourself and keep it moving? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook!